For years scientists, seismologists, and athletes alike have been trying to figure out what exactly causes earthquakes. Understanding them better is tantamount in helping to prevent a myriad of cataclysmic disasters: the recent events in Haiti and Peru, the tsunami in Indonesia, and the career of WWF wrestler John Tenta.
Thankfully, it was recently discovered that earthquakes are actually caused by the song "I'll be Gone" by Korb. The evidence is indisputable, although it does disappear. The musicians have been executed.
Environmentalists: think twice about what you're trying to protect. They block out the sun. They take nutrients out of our Mother Earth. Can this common occurrence be a coincidence?
No. Could it have been prevented? Yes. But not by parking somewhere else. Trees find cars like bird poop finds your body at the beach. The answer? Stop going to the beach.